I lay on my bed thinking of you now. I lay still in my bed, trying not to fall asleep, crossing the barrier from “awake” to “dreaming” . I listened to sad, heartbreaking music, all about missing someone, someone that get away, someone they had once loved. " What is the word for missing someone, for knowing there is something missing from you because they are not there, when you have never had them to begin with? Does that word exist?" I touched your hand, trying to hold it. I don’t think you know I did, but I felt it. It’s little things like this that I miss, the tiny bits that make up a whole imagined life, something we could have had, if we were two different people. Sometimes I stare at you, and I wonder what you are thinking. You have these soft, kind loving eyes, and sometimes I imagine that they are only this way with me, but I know that can’t be true. I am sure that you look at me just like you look at everyone else; captivating, smart, but ultimately uninterested...
In the blink of an eye, 2 months already passes. I am glad that I am able to survive this 2 roller coaster months. So much things happen and I don't know how to start. However, the most significant events that happen in this 2 months are the 2 dinners that I attended. Like what I told Ms Foo, the most significant person that are not blood-related to me in the past 6 years appear in this 2 dinners. And I am glad that although we do not keep in touch anymore, I am happy to see them in this fateful days. No more words can express my feeling anymore so that's all for the time being. LYN CNY dinner on 20th Jan 2017 Pui Yen wedding dinner on 22nd Jan 2017
What should I write now? Why am I thinking about impermanence? Because of Buddhism? I don't know... But what I can see and I can feel now is impermanence... Everywhere I see, I can see impermanence. My life, my work, my relationship and my mind. I realise that life is short. I need to really hit my goals soon or I maybe will never achieve anything (or even worse, try to achieve :( ) Why am I suddenly feel this way? Are there some events happening around me that make my mind go round and round working non-stop? ImpermanenceImpermanenceImpermanence Something my boss say make my system 'shocked' up. What he say that inspire me to want to achieve my goals as soon as possible? 1st, regarding two deaths related to my company that really make me see things clearly. I only been in this company for 2 years. The death of my Singapore's boss last year at the age of 40 (almost, if I remember correctly) and the death of the son of the boss in Philiphine (just around 12 yrs old) make...
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